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BJ's Journal . . .
So she tried it… Again, again and again…
She saw the excitement in the eyes of the people getting high. They looked happy, carefree with no problems in the world. This seems to be just what Tammy needed, for her troubles to be taken away. So she said, “stick me”, and that began a whole new life in what seemed like a new world.
Tammy is a 15-year-old girl who is getting high by shooting heroin in her veins. Here is a young child with no mother or father, being raised by her grandmother who was unaware that Tammy is being molested by a Deacon at their church. She felt she had to take the drugs to numb the thoughts of what was happening in the church. This was the beginning of a drug addiction that lasted for decades.
Tammy now begins to hustle in order to support her heroin habit. She is hanging with and associating with other people who do drugs and hustle to support their habits also. This became her new family, the people she relied on. The hustle consisted of boosting/stealing all kinds of things like clothes, jewelry, money, electronics, anything she could get a fast dollar from. It wasn’t long before Tammy realized she could make money from the one thing that drove her to the streets. She began to sell her body, turn tricks because she wanted the drugs more. She hated turning tricks and did all she could to take her mind away from it. The idea of these filthy men touching her was nauseating. Yet, she endured, time and time again.
One day Tammy decided to go to the south side of town to purchase her drugs. It was an area where pimps and prostitutes hung around. She decided to approach this prostitute named Renee and asked if she wanted to get high with her. Renee was more than willing and they went to a nearby motel and checked in. After several days of getting high and running out of money, Renee told Tammy to stay there, she would return soon. After many hours Renee returned with more money, so they continued to get high. This was also the beginning of a sexual relationship.
Renee began to act and treat Tammy as the male in the relationship. Renee was now going out and turning tricks and bringing the money back to her pimp, Tammy. Renee taught Tammy how to act, dress and talk like a man, a pimp, to have authority over her. She began to hang out with Renee’s brothers who also treated her as one of the guys. They took her to a higher level of hustling and was now stealing cars and selling drugs all the while getting high. Tammy and Renee began traveling to many different states doing their hustle for drugs. This went on for many years.
In 1992, Tammy heard about a study asking people to take a HIV test and get paid for it. Easy money was what she liked, so she took the test. When she went back for her results and get her money, the clinic informed her that she was HIV positive. They wanted to refer her to a doctor for treatment and follow-up, but Tammy said she just wanted her money so she could go. She left the clinic with no concern or thought about the HIV or the consequences of it. She left and continued her same lifestyle, meaning having unprotected sex.
In 1998, while hanging out in her usual area she met a lady named Leslie. Leslie was a student at a nearby Bible Institute who ministered to people who were caught up in the lifestyle of drugs and prostitution. The two of them talked many times for about a year. One day Leslie brought another lady with her named BJ, whom Tammy did not like at all. BJ continued to come around with Leslie who eventually told Tammy that God was sending her somewhere else. She informed her that BJ would now continue her work with the ministry. This didn’t sit well with Tammy so she tried to avoid BJ. BJ wasn’t having that at all; she continued to pursue her by going to her house on Friday’s, which was her Friday Nite Outreach. BJ began to assure her that it wasn’t her doing the pursuing, it was God. Tammy was no longer in her relationship with Renee and was living with her father, who BJ became well acquainted with also. He began to let BJ know what was going on with Tammy’s life and health.
The HIV began to take effect on her and she was getting sick often, but somehow and many times she felt relief from the heroin. It seemed as the drugs would cover the symptoms of the HIV. Since her diagnosis she had refused to take any of the HIV drugs. In October of 2005, Tammy ended up in the hospital very ill from not taking any medication. She had pneumonia and weighed about 82 pounds. She couldn’t walk or do anything for herself. The doctors were telling her she was going to die and offered her something to help with the pain. Tammy refused the medicine and signed a Do Not Resuscitate.
Tammy seemed ready to die, she gave up her hope and was tired. She was sent to a nursing home on Hospice. There were many prayers going on at this time by her family, BJ and her ministry. Tammy began to have morphine for the pain and she was unable to do anything for herself. The nurses had to change her pamper. She would find herself getting upset more and more and cried out, "If God can't take me, I wish God would give me back the use of my legs." As unbelievable as it was, Tammy began to feel better after a few weeks and began to walk again. She began to see God’s hand in her life and know what his power was. She began to see the teachings and the word that she was being ministered which began to manifest. Tammy began taking her HIV medication and began feeling better and stronger. She made the decision to live her life for Christ. Today her HIV is undetectable.
This was the beginning of a transformation. A new beginning; A new life; and an all new struggle.
Learn more about Tammy's transformation and the new struggles she now faces in our next issue. We will also introduce you to Diane.
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