Walking the Walk . . .
A Test of Faith and the Hazing Experience – Part 1
My friend Belinda and I hurried out of the dining hall, rushing down the walk path, all the while hoping that we had not missed the show. Everyone was talking about how the Venus Dionysus Hermes (actual name of sorority changed*) where “Crossing” tonight at 10:13 p.m. The program seemed to be running a bit late so we made it just in time.
As we stood among the crowd, we could see a line of five women marching in synchronized order wearing black pants, black boots and black shirts. They made their way to the patio deck of the University’s Starbuck’s and arranged themselves side by side in numerical order. Each young lady was wearing a shirt with the Greek symbols for Venus Dionysus Hermes across the front and a number on the back. I watched in amazement as these ladies stomped, yelled, and sang about what their sorority meant to them. I looked closer and could recognize some of these people as fellow students at my University and other Universities I had visited. I thought, “Wow, I did not know she was pledging, who would of thought?” She was a quiet and conservative person and very much into the church. There were those that were for joining sororities and some that were totally against it. I considered her as one who would be totally against pledging.
By the end of the show, my friend and I were just as emotional as the women who were pronouncing their passage into sisterhood and Greek allegiance. We cried as they cried. They convinced us that all they endured was more than just lyrics to the song they sang, but the essence of the hard work needed in order to be called a 'Sorority Sister'.
It was March of my freshman year. The previous year I had attended college prep boarding school so my classes were a breeze. I was generally an A/B student and found interest in a number of clubs on campus, especially those dealing with community service. I was in the Premed society and volunteered at hospitals, schools and went to medical conventions out of state. Organizations that did well for the community were always of interest to me. I don’t consider myself to be an introvert or extrovert I guess I was just more of the book worm type. I was well known on campus but spent most of my time with a select few. I was raised in church and had a very close relationship with the Lord. At this time, I did not have a boyfriend. Most guys thought I was mean because of my straightforward and outspoken personality. I did not think so. I was just a little more direct than most girls.
When I first got to college, there were 5 other girls that I had met and we all just clicked and became best friends. We were a tight knit group and we were always together. We were not known for partying like a lot of students entering college. We hung out talking and laughing, did our homework, had bible study discussions about God, etc. We had fun like any other college student. We were just not as wild. Bianca was one of these girls that happened to be with me this night.
When we all returned back to the dorm after the 'Crossing', it was as if I had an 'epiphany'. We all wanted to be Dionysus’. I was so excited. I had never witnessed anything more powerful in my life outside of watching people catch the spirit in church. I realized this was one more thing I wanted to do with my life, next to becoming a physician, marrying an equally successful man, and bearing his four to five children (I’m actually still waiting on that). I had heard of Greek letter organizations in high school from my friend Roger. I had already decided then that I would make the perfect Dionysus while he believed he would be the epitome of an Elite man. I did not know as much as he did about Greek letter organizations, but it sounded good. And from what I saw on this March 2004 night around 10:13 p.m., it looked good as well.
From that day forth, my friends and I made it our business to learn more about this particular organization and a few other ones. We started going to all of their parties, whether at our University or anothers', and attending all of their events. Their programs included topics like, people in debt and how to rid yourself of it, the importance of holding your virginity until marriage, and fundraisers for third world countries. The events were organized, interesting, and professional.
In my sophomore year I had the opportunity to take the necessary steps to join the organization. So my friends and I attended what was called Dionysus 101. It was basically an information meeting for the organization, at least that’s what we thought. Upon arriving to the meeting we saw members of the organization that we knew and others we did not. One of the first activities was to name all the members in the room. Out of the thirty girls present, only one knew all of their names. There was no way to know their names unless you went to school with them and had them in your classes. The next activity was a quiz on dates and important information related to the organization. Most of the questions seemed easy, but once again it was evident that we were not prepared. The members became rude and did not hide their disgust for our lack of knowledge. The same women who were once very pleasant and helpful had done a complete 180° turn. They became intimidating and began to berate us for not knowing everything about Venus Dionysus Hermes Sorority, Inc. I left the meeting very confused.
At this point, I realized this was going to be a lot harder than I expected.
At the end of the evening, one of the members whom my friends and I had come to know came to our room to talk to us. She explained that in actuality we were not expected to know that information. It was all a test. She clarified that the women of the organization were just acting and wanted to weed out people who would not be serious and dedicated. Yet, my friends were not convinced. They felt the rude behavior they had endured was unnecessary and a sign of worst things to come. I on the other hand, did not pay it too much attention.
There were a lot of rumors about things that happen during the “underground” pledge process and especially the Dionysus pledge process. But on many prior occasions, Venus Dionysus Hermes had stated that it was a non-hazing sorority and would often give quizzical looks when people shared their hazing experience. They would say things like, “We do not do that. Why would anyone do that?" All the women were strong, intelligent, and articulate. From getting to know them and hearing them talk about their hazing policy, I was convinced that the hazing stories I heard were just rumors and I had nothing to worry about. I am not gullible but I like to believe that there is good in everyone and everything and that there will be a positive outcome. I believed in the organization – sisterhood, community service and foundations. I had read about many great women who had done great things that were a part of this organization so I chose to believe all good things.
But as life goes on, we live and we learn.
I put in an application for Venus Dionysus Hermes and was accepted as a candidate for the pledge process to becoming a member. Out of what seemed like thirty interested girls, six of us were picked. I had an interview process and other formal things I had to do, but many people knew that I was pledging even before I put in an application. The national requirements were that you had to be a sophomore, have a GPA of 2.5 greater, be in a leadership position and have some community service experience. You had to have a letter of recommendation from a teacher or someone in community service as well as a few other things.
The six of us girls were actually hand picked before we even put in our applications. We met with the big sisters and they gave us information in secret that would make us stand out above the other girls who were putting in applications. We were told that they actually preferred candidates with a 3.0 or higher, which all six of us had. They gave us names and dates of historical figures within the organization, they told us to type our application and not handwrite it, etc. None of this information was given to the other candidates. They told us to make sure that we knew each other and to become familiar with each other.
None of my five friends knew that I had pledged and had been selected. When you are “on line”, you are not to tell anyone. I believe that they actually knew but never said anything to me about it.
I was corresponding and meeting with the other five girls picked and doing things the members had asked us to do. It was mainly our jobs to get information about the organization that we were not able to find in the book about the sorority. We also had to get information about the members themselves. Of course this was not easy. They made us jump through hoops. We had to do things like call someone every third minute of every hour until they felt like talking to us. Or they would hang up and sometimes be very rude. We also had to meet with each member individually and give them our particular reason for wanting to join the organization as well as ask any questions or concerns we had.
On the first night of the 'underground process', the members of the organization sat each one of us down and basically told us that "this chapter deviates from the hazing policy of Venus Dionysus Hermes" and asked us if we were willing to continue our process for Dionysus. I sat silent with a very apparent dumb look. I said, “What? I do not understand the question.” One of the members said, “This is not a trick question, it is a yes or no answer.” I was like, “Oh, Okay. It is yes then.” I was not sure how to respond. It sounded like they were telling me that they did not abide by their hazing policy. There were so many trick questions when pledging that I did not know what exactly was the right answer. So I said what I hoped was the right thing to say, which was;
I would deviate from the policy of Venus Dionysus Hermes in order to pledge the Chi chapter of Venus Dionysus Hermes.
From that day forth it was like HELL ON EARTH!
The other five girls and I were required to live together in an apartment that one of the girls had, dress alike, and eat all the same foods each day. We were also given a diet of things we could and could not eat. Why? I still do not know. We could not eat things of a certain colors, we could not eat any fried foods nor could we eat any sweets. Sneaking food not on our diet was a common practice. It was difficult for us to eat all the same foods as we all did not attend the same school. We had to wear our natural hair, not wear makeup, polish, or perfume, and could not wear certain colored clothing. Any one violating these rules meant punishment for all of us.
We also had assignments to turn in and certain things we had to purchase for every member, every night for our meetings or “set”. The purchasing of these items and errands they had us run for them became a tremendous financial burden. It was imperative that we found the necessary items requested for our set. Therefore, we made many trips to Wal-Mart, Kroger's, Marsh and any other place we thought we would find what we needed. With the demands of school, jobs, and extracurricular activities, a lot of our assignments did not get completed. The repercussions for this soon became unbearable for me.
Of all the big sisters, there were two who were extremely mean. These girls were actually on probation from the sorority due to misbehavior and smoking weed. Somehow, they were still allowed to participate in our pledging process. We did activities like hold the push up position over candles, squat with our hands out in front or to the side, walk like a duck (walking in a very low squat) and eat concoctions they made from the refrigerator which included molded items and the like. On other nights, we may have had to do jumping jacks in our winter coats, stand in a cold shower fully clothed and then go outside in the dead of winter with extreme low temperatures, try and make them laugh, and run ridiculous errands around the city.
As the weeks passed it became more difficult for me to perform these actions. I was never a sportive type of girl and I did not care for physical exercise yet these activities soon seemed impossible for me. I cried before, during, and after almost every set. I was called names and talked about because of my weak physical endurance and the tears that flowed from my painful body.
An average night for us lasted from about 9:00 p.m. until 5:00 a.m. This did not include the formal pledge meeting we had in the evening with alumni advisors. Those meeting lasted about four hours. We were not allowed to speak of the hazing process to our alumni advisors. I personally believed that they had some idea. We knew we could call National Headquarters to report any abuse or misconduct, yet we also knew it would ruin our chances of ever becoming Greek. You are required to sign an agreement stating that you will not participate in hazing whether you are performing the acts or the acts are done to you. We were also not allowed to communicate with other members of the organization without the permission of our 'big sisters'. This was another tactic used to keep them from getting in trouble.
We were so tired from pledging that we could not keep up with our studies. We all had heavy loads to carry and our schedules were thick. Soon other things had to take a back seat to the pledging process.
I dropped out of all my extracurricular activities and rarely went to school. I was physically too tired. I was extremely weak and I began to notice a problem when I was unable to walk up the stairs for my classes, which were on the third floor. My book bag became too heavy, and I could no longer lift my arms to comb my hair.
During one of the formal meetings we conducted ourselves, without the presence of the 'big sisters'; I became increasingly dizzy and lost my peripheral vision. My tongue and the right side of my body went numb while my feet swelled. I felt a migraine coming and I thought I was having a stroke too. The other four ladies (by this time one person had quit due to the hectic schedule and she needed to work) became scared and rushed me to the emergency room. When I was finally seen, the doctor said my swelling had come from eating too much salt. I was 19 years old, so that diagnoses did not make much sense to me. Nonetheless he gave me some Ibuprofen for the pain I was experiencing and told me to rest. With that prescription, I could of have diagnosed myself. So, I decided I needed to see a real doctor. I had experienced really bad migraines and menstrual cramps during my childhood so I believed this sudden weakness could be something associated with it. I also had an aunt who had been diagnosed with an aneurysm in the past and we shared a lot of headache similarities, so I thought I should check things out.
My line sisters began to help carry my weight. They would comb my hair for me, carry my books to class, etc. There was great financial burden of being on line due to the big sister making you buy them food, run their errands at our expense, gas money to get to meetings, etc. I did not have any money and my line sisters took care of everything financial. I was responsible for writing all the speeches, papers, memorizing dates or scholastic information that would be asked of us by our big sisters.
As I mentioned before, I believed my girlfriends knew that I was pledging. I did tell one of my girlfriends and from time to time I would tell her of the ridiculous activities that we had to endure. I told her of running up and down stairs while singing a song, but I did not tell her of gross activities such as sticking our heads in the toilet. She never said much to me about my pledging; she was just a good friend. She later told me that when she was speaking to me during these times that she knew it was not me that she was speaking to. As she put it, it didn’t even sound like me at all. She felt that I had become 'brainwashed' to believe what my big sisters were telling me was right. She felt that she was speaking to an entirely different person and that I was not myself at all. Sleep deprivation, not feeling well and mental abuse can actually do this. In retrospect, maybe this was the reason I continued on my quest to become a 'soror'.
With my health continuously deteriorating and my constant weight loss, I ended up taking a Greyhound bus home and my mother took me to the hospital where I and sat in the emergency room. When I was finally seen, the doctor told me that the blood enzyme level in my liver was very high and I needed to be admitted in order for them to run tests. I spent three days in the hospital. They did not know what was wrong. My white blood cells were low, my liver enzymes were high, and they were not too sure what was going on. Because of this, I was discharged and given a referral to a gastrointestinal clinic at another hospital for the following week.
I took a bus back to school and continued the pledge process. It had been made very clear to me that in order for me to be a Dionysus I had to be present for the pledge process activities. For the underground process, I was no longer required to bear a lot of the physical stress, but the mental did not go away. I still had to eat the concoctions and had to sit in freezing cold water and sent outside. With our resistance being down we were constantly sick and sharing each other’s colds. I was allowed to sleep after set, which my line sisters were not. But I can’t feel too grateful when it was only an hour or two every night and when the big sisters would call me selfish for actually resting.
I endure the same mental stress most of the time, greater than the physical one. On one occasion, I was told to lie down because I had a fever and I had almost passed out during one of our formal meetings. While my line sisters were in set, I was in the dark trying to get some sleep, but was unable to rest. My body ached from head to toe and I could not turn myself over. While I laid in the dark, one of the 'big sisters' came in and said, “Rebecca, you better not die in my spec’s (Special Sister) bed” and slammed the door. My body was too tired and hurt to care about her vile words. At the time, I was too mentally and physically exhausted to really access the situation I was in. My only concern was finishing what I had started and I knew that I did not have that much longer to go. After a while, I felt that my line sisters started to resent the fact that I was not required to do all the physical activities. They were exhausted and sleep deprived and more than likely not feeling well themselves. They were constantly arguing and fighting amongst themselves. If someone’s assignment was not done this meant that we would all get in trouble. I was too sick and exhausted to fight.
We were all so confused, we had to look at the cell phone to see what day of the week and month it was. We all knew that we were going to cross over and we vowed that when we had people pledging next year, we would not haze them. We absolutely hated the process yet we all endured.
I was still required to travel between two schools because meetings were held at the schools of all the girls on line. These schools were an hour away from each other. We had meetings every night whether formal or informal. Most of the time, we were so tired from the pledging and keeping up with our studies that we did not eat at all. When our big sisters found this out, they would get upset and give us a granola bar or something of the sort. During our travels, we had gotten into a few car accidents due to falling asleep under the wheel. We had to call one of the big sisters who would have to come and get us. They were often upset because their day was interrupted.
During this pledge process, I was not feeling well and tried to make it through each day. I was ill and exhausted and was not thinking of whether what was happening was wrong or right. It was something that I had started and needed to finish. I believed that if the hazing got to a point that was not good for my health that the big sisters would stop it, absolutely. I had gone to school one year earlier as a healthy 18 year old young lady. I knew something was going on in my body that required medical attention but I believed that it was nothing that a great deal of sleep and eating nutritious food would not heal.
Or would it?
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Read more of Rebecca's story in the next issue.
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